"Letting Go" at the Pre-Christian Iron Cross
The ancient Iron Age/Celtic monument along the Camino
Profound pre-Christian Ritual
After lunch, I had a little time to myself before the afternoon presentations. As I sauntered among the flower beds and rose garden, I thought of the intriguing sacred pre-Christian site that I had just learned about that I needed to prepare for, emotionally and spiritually. For some pilgrims, the ritual opportunity it offered was as profound as the act of receiving one’s Compostela certificate at the Cathedral of Santiago after completing the Camino.
The Cruz de Fierro was the most ancient monument along the entire Camino, dating back at least 2,500 years, to the Iron Age and the Celts and Romans. For centuries, at the highest point (4,938 feet) on the Camino Frances, the route between St. Jean Pied de Porte in France and Santiago de Compostela, travelers had paused to connect with the divine. The Romans had a tradition of marking high passes with small stones, showing gratitude for their safe passage to the god Mercury, the Patron Saint of Travelers.
Celtic Pole Topped with Christian Cross
In the 11th century, a hermit named Gaucelmo raised an iron cross to the top of the towering still remaining trunk from an ancient sacred oak tree, claiming it as a significant Christian monument for the constantly passing pilgrims. The travelers continued the ritual of leaving small stones or other meaningful items that they picked up in the valley or brought from home and extended the intentions beyond gratitude for the safe journey, to forgiveness, contrition, or to what they hoped to release and let go of by their pilgrimage.
By now, the thousands of stones left through the centuries have created a mound about 25 feet tall. Some pilgrims leave notes to themselves or the universe, so many that the soon tattered pieces create a major trash gathering task. One woman carried the ashes of her mother to leave on the mound, since it was her mother that had been the greatest burden of her life. I pondered what I should bring.
Mid-Life Doldrums and 2 Major Traumas
I had not weathered my 5th decade well. I had gone to Trinidad, a tiny town in southern Colorado when I turned 50, to spend a year in solitude after a couple of stressful years as executive director of a nonprofit supporting youth mental health. Dealing with the governmental bureaucracy and politics and the infighting and grants had taken a toll on my health and I just wanted a year of peace to write a book. I was all settled in when 9/11 hit and we didn’t know if the world would soon end. I had not yet recovered from the trauma of Columbine High School, where my sons’ stepbrother was shot 8 times and paralyzed, just two years in the past.
After Christmas things finally calmed down, and we realized there wasn’t going to be another attack right away. Then my mother had a heart attack. I gave up on spending my 50th year in peaceful solitude and just packed everything up. I loved the little farmhouse I had rented, but I went to California because I didn’t know how much longer my mom would live and wanted to be closer to them. I got a great job teaching at a college in the desert but couldn’t deal with the oppressive heat and isolation. I was going through menopause, drinking too much and not exercising, so I moved back with my parents in Corona near LA, hoping to find a job near them. For a while, I was back in their household as their “little girl,” triggering my childhood trauma.
In my 30s I left a painful 14-year marriage. A second marriage lasted 6 years and then I had a-5 year relationship. I was desperate now to get out of the house and away from Mom, but now, embarking on my 6th decade and nearing 62, I doubted that I’d ever have another man in my life.
I did create a personal profile and posted it on Match.com, but I was in a rather dull suburb of LA, that many considered not worth driving to and men my age usually listed younger women as their preference. Not much happened.
I had had a couple of fascinating relationships. The first one had promise, the second had none, but they were both very disorienting and I lost myself, trying to find my way. I tried to numb my unsettled feelings with wine, and I felt like I had fallen into a void that took me months to pull out of each time.
What Should I Leave at the Cross?
When I saw the presentation about the Iron Cross and wondered what I should let go of, the very first things that came to my mind were to quit drinking or at least cut down, and to quit sabotaging myself with the wrong men.
I headed into the mission for the next presentation to begin.
Victoria, did you know we can listen to your Camino story? Did you chose the narrator? I enjoy his voice, yet I think I'd perhaps prefer a woman's voice.